I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
