just survived the first fart of the relationship.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
