Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
