Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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