wrigley field is MILF paradise
...so i touched it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize