i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
