There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
