just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
