found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
