i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize