Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
