Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
