i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I didn't shave. On purpose
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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