I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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