My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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