The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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