I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
