I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
