There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
