I think i peed on brittanys purse
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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