he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
