The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
