Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
