The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
