you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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