I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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