Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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