shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
