he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
