I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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