Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
