i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
