He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
