i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
