Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
