it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
