remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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