She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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