Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
