That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
