Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
