I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
