...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is it because I queefed?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
