I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
