Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
