i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
