are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
