Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
