You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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