i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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