Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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