I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
