Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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