Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
