I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
