I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
