she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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