I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
