dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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