If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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