anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
