Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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