There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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