i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
