you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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