I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
